Jeff: “Why do we fall, Jeremy?”
Jeremy: “Fuck.”
Jeff: “So we can pick ourselves up.”
*throws down the queen of spades*
Jeremy: “I can’t believe you want to be a combinatorialist. You just messed up in the field’s most basic form.”
Jeff: “Backwards. I was counting backwards.“
Atlantis Princess by BoA comes on in the car:
Jeremy: “What the FUCK is this?”
*a minute later*
Jeremy: “She’s got a nice voice. Does she do Russian opera?”
Jeremy: “He’s done things I’ve never imagined. It’s fucking amazing. Now I think about it all the time.”
*I admit that it was taken out of context, but yet, totally hilarious*
While watching BoA perform No.1:
me: “Okay, should I turn it off?”
*delay of few seconds*
Vidit: “Huh? Oh no. I’m learning about your culture… Can I have the video?”
me: I’ve been doing math.
Vidit: “doing math” is an euphemism right?”
me: Haha no.
Vidit: i used to “do math” like 4 times a day at your age
me: HAHAHAHA.
Vidit: slowly working, yes
Vidit: grasping the problem
Vidit: at the hilt
me: I hate you.
Vidit: then teasing it from the base, like so
me: This is going on facebook. =P
Vidit: fine, i’ll stop
Vidit: but will i “jeremy expression” stop?
Vidit: “ass load” could refer to ancient carriages. the net is biased
Vidit:by the way, i am proud of you. you manned up, kind of
Vidit: your “out of way” reason is still bogus for not connecting miami
Vidit: BUT
me: I JUSTIFIED connecting to Miami.
Vidit: this is better than what i thought you were going to do… photoshop miami off the graph
me: HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Vidit: in all honesty
Vidit: that is what i might have done
~talking about my analysis of Ticket to Ride
Stuff from books and such
“A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.”
~Ayn Rand
“Enlightened people seldom or never possess a sense of responsibility.”
~George Orwell
“Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.”
~Kurt Vonnegut
“Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.”
~Robert Heinlein
Greenfield quotes
“Listen, you’re trying to pretend you’re following. Give it up.”
~Greenfield, after being incorrectly corrected
“You’re so beautiful. Why aren’t you smart?”
~Greenfield
“These are misprints!! The good student will ignore the misprints. Like an Eagle *waves arms* soaring above.”
~Greenfield, after being correctly corrected
SG: “I was grading the calculus midterms this morning. And there was this Korean that got a 99!”
me: “Wow. Was it a girl?”
SG: “SEE?!?! THAT’S ALL YOU GUYS CARE ABOUT? *mockingly* WAS IT A GIRL?”
*awkward pause*
SG: “Well. I think it’s a girl. You can never tell with these names. You can’t really tell unless they take off their clothes. Even then, it’s tough at times.”
SG:”Look at this guy! He’s writing down everything I say without caring if he understands. I could start quacking and he’d write it down. QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!”
Jeff:”The funny thing is, I actually am writing that down.”
SG: “Where’s the combinatorics people?”
Me: “He’s in Kansas.”
SG: “Oh, you know that if you put his name into Google, you get this embarrassing picture of him in underwear. But you shouldn’t do that. Don’t type Jeff Amos into Google. That’s A-M-O-S.”
~As Jeff was on his way to Kansas
TV shows/Movies
“Smart men have learned how to harness their talent; happy men have learned to accept their flaws.”
~3rd Rock from the Sun
House M.D.:
Chase: How’d you like it if I interfered in your personal life?
House: I’d hate it. That’s why, cleverly, I have no personal life.
Foreman: How’d she get to you?
Dr. Gregory House: She’s the CEO of Sonyo cosmetics. Three assistants and fifteen VPs checked out who should be treating her. Who da man? I da man. I always suspected.
Jill: My joints have been feeling all loose, and lately I’ve been feeling sick a lot. Maybe I’m overtraining; I’m doin’ the marathon, like, ten miles a day,
[House looks tired]
Jill: but I can’t seem to lose any weight.
House: Lift up your arms.
[she does so]
House: You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
Dr. Gregory House: Lie back and lift up your sweater.
[she lies back, and still has her hands up]
House: You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
[he starts to ultrasound her abdomen]
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don’t worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites…
Jill: Playdates?
House: [shows her the ultrasound] It has your eyes.
[it's a baby]
House: [walks in] Good morning.
[looks at coffee mug, laughs]
House: Hah, this is funny, people don’t…
Cameron: Not done reading, go away.
[House leaves]
Cameron: Most likely, she coughed it up, which would mean its from her lungs. Drugs, toxins, infections?
Foreman: No fever, no elevated white count, which rules out infections…
Cameron: And, blood panels found no drugs, or toxins.
Chase: Loncoscopy was pristine… so much for the lungs…
House: [walks back in] Good morning!
Chase: Not yet!
[House leaves again]
Cameron: So then the blood came from her stomach, which would mean its an ulser or a GI bleed.
Foreman: The ER also ran an upper and lower GI, no blood.
Chase: Which means no ulser or GI bleed, which means its not from the stomach either, which means… the blood didnt come from anywhere?
[Everyone looks confused]
House: [Pops head in] Did you guys get to the point that the blood doesn’t come from anywhere?
House: You can think I’m wrong, but that’s no reason to quit thinking.
Heroes:
Hiro Nakamura: My only concern is should I hide my true identity? A costume maybe?
Ando Masahashi: You start talking about capes and tights and I’m out of here.
Hiro Nakamura: Save the cheerleader, save the world.
Matt: Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, slow down! Slow down, slow down! Aah! (both he and Nathan groan as they land) Okay, we don’t talk about that…ever again.
Nathan: Agreed.
Hiro: (speaking at his father’s funeral in Japanese) I refuse to eulogize my father. To eulogize him is to admit he is gone. My father is not dead. Kaito Nakamura taught me right from wrong. What it means to be a hero. So long as his lessons live through me he will never die. My father taught me to understand that certain things are in God’s hands. But for everything else God gave us the gift of choice. My father gave me the tools to fight the battles ahead. Every hand I extend in kindness is his hand and every blow I strike for justice is his fist. So long as the lessons he taught me stay in me and so long as he lives in my heart then my father is not truly dead.
Mohinder: (voiceover) It is man’s ability to remember that sets us apart. We are the only species concerned with past. Our memories give us voice and bear witness to history, so that others might learn; so they might celebrate our triumphs and be warned of our failures
Mohinder: (voiceover) There are many ways to define our fragile existence; many ways to give it meaning. But it is our memories that shape its purpose and give it context. The private assortment of images: fears, loves, regrets… for it’s the cruel irony of life that we are destined to hold the dark with the light, the good with the evil, success with disappointment… this is what separates us, what makes us human. And in the end, we must fight to hold on to.
Kensei: First you show me that I can be harmed by no weapon, and then you cut me deeper than any blade possibly could.
Mohinder: (voice over) When confronted by our worst nightmares, the choices are few; Fight or flight. We hope to find the strength to stand against our fears but sometimes, despite ourselves, we run. What if the nightmare gives chase? Where can we hide then?
Mohinder: [voiceover] The Earth is large. Large enough that you think you can hide from anything. From Fate. From God. If only you found a place far enough away. So you run. To the edge of the Earth. Where all is safe again. Quiet, and warm. The solace of salt air. The peace of danger left behind. The luxury of grief. And maybe, for a moment, you believe you have escaped.
Mohinder: [voiceover] You do not choose your destiny, it chooses you. And those that knew you before Fate took you by the hand cannot understand the depth of the changes inside. They cannot fathom how much you stand to lose in failure…that you are the instrument of flawless Design. And all of life may hang in the balance. The hero learns quickly who can comprehend and who merely stands in your way.
Mohinder: [voiceover] When evolution selects its agents, it does so at a cost. It makes demands in exchange for singularity. And you may be asked to do something against your very nature. Suddenly, the change in your life that should have been wonderful, comes as a betrayal. It may seem cruel, but the goal is nothing short of self-preservation. Survival.
Angel:
[Watching from on top of a building as Angel talks to a woman he just saved, Spike guesses what is being said.]
Spike: [as Rachel] How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
[as Angel] No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I’m just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. [Rachel reaches for Angel's head] No, not the hair. Never the hair.
[as Rachel] But there must be some way I can show my appreciation?
[as Angel] No, helping those in need’s my job, and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
[as Rachel] I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so…
[as Angel] Say no more. Evil’s still afoot. And I’m almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away.
[Spike crashes to the floor and sits up looking furious.]
Spike: Right! We are gonna set some ground rules. Number one – don’t hit me in the face. Number two – when I hit you in the face, you tell me how it feels, so I can write that on my clipboard. Number three (holds up the clipboard) don’t touch my clipboard.
Scrubs:
[Turk is occupying Dr. Kelso's lunch spot]
Dr. Kelso: “Interesting tidbit: Back during the gold rush, when a man staked a claim, if he came upon another man panning his spot… why, he could shoot that fella dead without even asking any questions.”
Turk: “You don’t say.”
Dr. Kelso: *sighs* “Simpler times.”
[about J.D]
Dr. Cox: “Uh, Carla. Carla, have you, uh, have you seen Newbie?”
Carla: “Oh, he got off your leash?”
Dr. Cox: *laughing* “Give me a break. The kid’s like… he’s like a… have you ever seen a drunk baby?”
[Carla stares at him]
Dr. Cox: “Eh, it’s a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it’s… it’s endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man… you take your eyes off them for one second…”
[hits the table]
Dr. Cox: “…and bam! They got a bucket on their head, and they’re plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV.”
[whispering remorsefully]
Dr. Cox: “God save me, it was barely out of the box.”
[Carla continues to stare at him]
Dr. Cox: “The point is… Newbie is my drunk baby.”
Dr. Cox: “You’d better go ahead and enjoy this while you can, Bob, because if your evil genie goes ahead and grants your wish and I’m gone forever, then the only one you’re going to be able to contend with around here is yourself. And when you really get to know *that* person, oh, dear God, you’ll scream so loud that Satan will want to tear up that contract he made with you at birth just so he can get some sleep.”
Dr. Cox: “Well, gosh – I guess I became a doctor because ever since I was a little boy, I just wanted to help people. I don’t tell this story often, but I remember when I was seven years old, one time I found a bird that had fallen out of its nest, and so I picked him up and I brought him home, and I made him a house out of an empty shoebox.”
[starts laughing]
Dr. Cox: “I became a doctor for the same four reasons that everybody does – chicks, money, power and chicks.”
Dr. Kelso: ‘She likes to joke that I choked the last breath of life out of her long ago, and now she’s just a shell of a woman. I think that’s so cute… I called her Shelley. You know, when I call her that, sometimes she laughs so hard she cries.”
Dr. Kelso: [on phone in his office] “Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is, you ventured into his side of the house!”
[listens, smiling]
Dr. Kelso: “Baring his teeth, huh?… OK, now here’s whatcha do… Are you ready?”
[pauses, smiling]
Dr. Kelso: “Make a sudden move!”
[barks, growls and screams are heard from the phone. Kelso hangs up, chuckling]
Dr. Kelso: “Ahh, those two.”
Dr. Kelso: “Uhh, Perry, I just spoke to my cardiologist and he said if you hadn’t discovered my high blood pressure, it may have resulted in my case of, um, death.”
Dr. Cox: “Huh?”
Dr. Kelso: “Thanks, I owe you one.”
Dr. Cox: [voice-over] “MUST RESIST URGE TO RUB IT IN HIS FACE… MUST RUB SOMETHING IN SOMEONE’S FACE.”
[turns to an unconscious patient]
Dr. Cox: “So how’s that coma going for ya there?”
[voiceover]
Dr. Cox: “ahhh much better!”
[an overweight patient has not been losing weight, despite Dr Cox's orders]
Dr. Cox: “Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody’s clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is – oh, I don’t know – go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I’m supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God’s honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn’t ya?”
J.D.: “Dr. Cox…”
Dr. Cox: “Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren’t ‘See ya’ then the third word will be ‘Oh my god. My crotch. You’ve punched me in my crotch.’.”
J.D.: “See ya.”